A Typical Day
by Jenniefer Kingsley
Summary: At Hogwarts that is.(what's that supposed to mean u ask? ready to find out. B cautioned 'here lies crazyness beyond crazyness'. U have been warned)
1. Getting to know you

Crazyness ensues in this fic. You have been warned.  
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It was a typical day at Hogwarts School of Wicthcraft and Wizardry. Well, that is if you can call any day normal at Hogwarts. The Gryffindors were lounging in the common room this fine winter morning. And they were bored.   
  
BORED you say? How could Harry Potter and his faithful friends be BORED? well truth be told, I have no clue, Im only telling the story as I remember it, be the supreame ruler of the Harry Potter Kingdom as I, Chelsey, know it.  
  
Anywho, they were bored. So they took out their handy-dandy Marauders Map, and went exploring(they were on holiday, so they weren't skipping class-just in case you were wondering). So they set off on their brave journey into the dark halls of the castle.  
  
They somehow found their way down the dark, dismal corridors in the dungeons. Secret passages, not even Snape knew about(rumor had it he almost never left his dungeons unless ordered to by Dumbledore[but you didn't hear that from me]), and who should they run into but Draco Malfoy(he shows up alot doesn't he?).  
  
"What are you doing here?!"demanded Draco and Harry at the same time.  
  
They wipped out their wands ready to hex each other when a spiky madman covered in red and black tattoos came screaming up the dark passage way a red glow surrounding him like he was on fire. He held a glowing, humming sword wich was emitting the red light.   
  
"DIE!!!"he screamed chopping off Draco's head and chopping him to peices before stopping and grinning sheepishly.  
"Oops,"he muttered."It was storyboard 14!!" He turned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione," Sorry if he was your friend. Got a bit carried away."  
  
"No problem, you just did us a huge favor," Ron told him.  
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They returned to the Gryffindor Tower, Malfoy's head on a stick(very medival I know but it adds something to the story), and a huge party was started in honor of the mysterous stranger who had gotten the wrong studio.  
  
Once the party was thorughly underway and everyone had forgotten WHAT, exactly, they were celebrating, a tall figure(who was only about 17) walked in. Harry was probably the only one to notice(the rest of the Gryffindor's were throughly drunk off butterbeer) that this person looked incredibly like James Potter.  
  
"Dad?" he asked.  
  
Before anyone could say anything a figure dressed in a billowing black cape and breath helmet walked in.  
  
"Nohoo-pah," it said."Ihoo-paham hoo-pah yourhoo-pah Fatherhoo-pah!!"   
  
"And you would be..."Harry asked.  
  
"Nothoo-pah belonginghoo-pah herehoo-pah."He turned to James, "Myhoo-pah goodhoo-pah manhoo-pah, woudhoo-pah youhoo-pah behoo-pah sohoo-pah kindhoo-pah ashoo-pah tohoo-pah pointhoo-pah mehoo-pah tohoo-pah storyboardhoo-pah 34hoo-pah?"  
  
"Certianly,"answered James."In fact, why don't we go together? I was supposed to be in storyboard 35."  
  
So arm-in-arm they skipped down they hall singing "We're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of OZ!!!"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Harry."I want my mommy!!"  
  
He stomped up to his room and pouted like a two year old for the rest of the night.  
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Meanwhile in storyboard 14.......  
  
"I'm sorry Qui-Gon but I can't kill you. I already killed some poor blond kid." Darth Maul was saying(yes the tattooed guy was Darth Maul if you hadn't guessed).  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn smacked himself upside the head. "If you don't kill me the story doesn't go the right way!!" he yelled. "Just run me through with your lightsaber, idiot!!"  
  
"I can't!!"  
  
Obi-Wan heaves a sigh of relief behind the force-field that would go off until AFTER Qui-Gon had been stabbed.  
  
"FINE!!" said Qui-Gon, then he lowered his voine so only Maul could hear him. "If you don't stab me I will tell the whole universe that you still like to play with Barbies!!"  
  
Reluctantly Maul stabbed Qui-Gon through with his lightsaber and returned to the normal ending.  
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James Potter skipped into the Gryffindor Common Room(his common room not the one filled w/ drunks)singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. His friends-including his girlfriend,Lily Evans-who worried about the poor boy's sanity daily, now knew without a doubt that he was a certifiable lunatic.  
  
"Uhh..Jammes?"ventured Remus.  
  
James responded by singing 'Hello there, I'm a Teddy Bear'. Now his friends were all scared. But it was time for dinner so they dragged the singing James along with them. The sight of food cured him instantly. Dumbledore walked to the teachers table rather gravely.   
  
"It is to my greatest sorrow that I would report that Draco Malfoy is no longer with us," he told them.   
  
No one in this Great Hall had ever heard of DRACO Malfoy. LUCIAS yes but not DRACO.  
  
They all shrugged it off and let this new Dumbledore eat in peace. After all, it WAS just a typical day at Hogwarts.  
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A/N:Well I hope you're not too emotionally scarred from this episode of my insanity.  
Harry, James Ron, Hermione, Draco, Hogwarts, Butterbeer, Snape, his dungeons, everyone in Gryffindor, Dumbledore, Lily, James' friends and the Great Hall belong to JK Rowling.  
  
Darth Maul, Darth Vader(yes that was him w/ the hoo-pah's), Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, lightsabers, and forcefields, belong to George Lucas.  
  
Storyboard 14, Storyboard 34, Storybord 35, the stick that Malfoy's head was mountes on, James' singing voice, the dark dismal corridor, the rumor 'bout Snape, Obi-Wan's sigh of relief, and Darth Maul's playing w/ Barbies, belongs to me, Chelsey.  
  
Barbie belongs to Mattel  
  
Now you need to tell me what you think!! Do it now or else I will tell the whole world you still play with Barbies!!!   
  
P.S. dont criticizes the spelling ppl!! I do the best i can!! 


	2. Second chappie! The craziness expands to...

Read the warning in chap 1  
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It was spring at Hogwarts and the students were yet again, bored. Actually it was because they were sitting in History of Magic.   
  
"Bored,Bored,Bored,Bored,Bored,Bored,Bored,Bored,Bored,"James Potter sang under his breath(he still hadn't recovered from the incident last winter."I WISH something would happen."  
  
Right on cue...nothing happened(what did you expect). Then after the cue a door opened in the middle of the wall. Then a little short dude jumped out and sliced through Professor Binns(He wasn't dead before this).  
  
The students stared in shock, but instantly started to cheer, that is, until Professor Binns's ghost popped into the room to continue the lecture. Their cheers turned to screams.  
  
Amid the riotous screaming, James could be heard singing "God is Bigger than the Boogie man"(no one could figure out where he had heard this, but as he later explained, he heard it from singing vegetables).  
  
The short dude looked at his sword, "Darn it! It doesn't glow...I lost my Nighty-Litey!!!" He promptly burst into tears and ran away.  
  
Everyone looked at each other, confusedly, except James who was now singing about Munchinkins.  
  
"We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland......" He trailed off.   
  
Lily turned red for James, then grabbed his arm and dragged him off to the Hospital wing.   
  
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There was pure chaos. Dumbledore had dissapeared and some strange, new, scary thing had taken his place, demanding that they find his ring.  
  
All the students combed the school while the thing ate Draco's head off the pole the Gryffindor's had set it upon.  
  
"Myyyy Preeeeeccccious," he purred to himself, sitting in Dumbledore's chair in the Great hall.  
  
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"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Frodo cried, while Merry, Pippin and Sam comforted him. "My Nighty-Litey is broked!!!"  
  
"Poor little Frodo," soothed Pippin, looking hungrily at the pot simmering over the fire.   
  
Legolas noticed the look and stood gaurd over the pot, putting an arrow into his bow and pulling the string taut.  
  
"Touch it and die midget," he groweled.  
  
"PAUSE!!!!" I yelled, cause I'm the author and I can.  
  
I, Chelsey, the almighty author, powerful and supreame being in this universe that I have created, walk over to this scene I have created and inspect the beautiful character I have kidnapped and bent to my will.  
  
"What are you doing?" Someone offstage shreiked.  
  
"Who is that? Show yourself!!" I, the awesome and powerful author bellow back.  
  
"No!" as they walk onto the set, I can see clearly who it is. Jake, my friend and collegue has plotted to screw up my story!!! "Now answer my question!!"  
  
"I'm looking at this beautiful creature."  
  
"Legolas?!?!?!?!? Ewwwwww...get a life."  
  
I do the most mature thing I can possibly do, I stick my tongue out at him and stomp away.  
  
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Luke Skywalker rushed onto the stage looking wildly left and right. He was sure he wasn't in the right place, but he couldn't tell where he WAS supposed to be.  
  
Suddenly a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig wolf jumped out from stage right and bit his arm off.   
  
As it leaned over him, it growled, "Luke...I am your father."  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...."  
  
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Gollum lounged lazily in Dumbledore's chair, mindlessly chewing on an Draco ear.   
  
Suddenly, Jake(stealing Legolas's part) jumped through the doors and shot Gollum with the bow he stole from Aragorn.   
  
"Nooooo..." Gollum said weakly, the arrow protruding from his skinny neck. "The precious is lost!!!!"  
  
With a thud he fell to the ground...alive-er I mean ...dead.  
  
With an evil cackle Jake strode to the chair and sat in it.  
  
The students cheered and began to celebrate, but were cut short by a yell of "Get back to work, slaves!"  
  
Before they could move...or even speak, the doors banged open.  
  
"Not so fast," the supreame author(that would be me) yelled. "Get him Legolas!!"  
  
Like the obeident slave he was, Legolas went and retreived the cowering dictator.   
  
Dressed now in the robes of a judge, I proclaim his fate.  
  
"You must spend one standard year with one Master Yoda."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODeep BreathOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."  
  
"Take him away!"  
  
And so ends my peaceful story as Legolas(my slave) drags Jake(my dearest friend) to spend the year with Yoda.  
  
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Disclaimer!!!   
  
Dumbledore, James Potter, Lily, Hogwarts, Prof. Binns, Draco(all the parts of his head), Gryffindor(and it's inhabitants), the Great hall, The hospital wing, Remus(he was the biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig wolf), and Dumbledore's chair all belong to JK Rowling.  
  
The little short dude(aka Frodo), His sword, Gollum, My Preeeeeeeeeeeccccccious, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Legolas, Aragorn,and both of their bows belong to JRR Tolkein and whoever else.  
  
Luke, "Luke...I am your father", and Yoda all belong to George Lucas.  
  
the pole Draco's head was on, all the scenes, the sets, the arrow, Legolas(the slave[j/k]), the judges robes, and "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODeep BreathOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." belong to me.  
  
Jake belongs to himself(unfortunately)hehe... 


End file.
